OVERCOMING LOW SELF-ESTEEM - Melanie Fennell ISBN 1-85487-725-9

This book is the result of the considerable practical experience of the writer. It is a self-help guide based on clinically tried techiques of Cognative Behavioural Therapy. In layman's terms, these are techniques aimed at changing the way we think and so the way we behave. Dr Fennell explains the term "low self esteem" as "having a poor opinion of ourselves" and throughout the book she demonstrates that this can not only be an aspect or a consequence of current problems, but that it also can be a vulnerability factor for a whole range of other difficulties which cause disruption in daily life. She shows how such beliefs develop and the way we cope with the world in the light of these beliefs.

The book is packed full of practical exercises, clearly honed by experience. The chapter on The Rules of Life for example, explains how we can identify our own roles of life; how they developed and how we can change them. As in other chapters she deals with the subject in minute detail, with an emphasis on what is realistic and helpful. Throughout the book, there are summaries at the end of each chapter, helpful questions, a useful checklist for depression (p.10) and some valuable insightes into the defence mechanisms built up over the years. A particularly useful chapter is one showing the impact on children if you cling to old patterns of behaviour and deny emotions and vulnerability. The exercises make it clear how much you have to work at developing an honest self-awareness. As such this is a meaty book, written from experience, with practical and focused exercises.

It does seem though, that you need to be pretty mentally alert, capable and literate if you are to make full use of this book. Even if you are all the above, there is a reality that many going through divorce having to juggle career with bringing up children - all at that same time as going through a grieving process. Thus, like Aquila, this book is not a pill or a quick fix solution, but something to be worked at and through.

However, there was the sense of a certain amount of overt "brain-washing" going on. Perhaps this is inevitable given that the purpose of the book is to change thinking - with the aim of leading you to accept yourself. However, that is precisely where the book stops: with Self. Indeed Self in various forms is listed in the index at least 34 times, thus leaving the reader totally dependent on themselves. This inevitably makes the book unsatisfactory from anyone who's perspective on life includes faith in God. In "Tao-te-Ching", Lao Tse descibes a wheel with 36 spokes and argues it is the hole in the middle that makes it important. Thus, a critically fundamental stumbling block with Dr Fennell's book is that it never discusses the "hole in the middle". The danger therefore is that readers are left peeling off the onion skins which make up their personalities, without ever, in the pain of their disappointments, being able to take the smallest step towards considering spiritual realities which directly address the issues of their true self-worth, significance and security.
Val Chambers, edit. Kate Chesterman

MISSING BEING MRS - Jennifer Crowley ISBN 1-85424-611-9